Beautiful blooms set into a folded napkin, from Martha Stewart
I am often asked by brides the best way to incorporate the napkin into the place setting at a wedding. My answer is always the same: there are lots of choices and the decision often depends on what else is “going on” with the place setting (e.g. will there be a favor set at each place setting, how many glasses will be on the table, will there be a first course already plated…).
These days there are no hard and fast rules as to where the napkin should go and how it should be folded. But if a bride is at all concerned about etiquette and tradition, it’s worth keeping in mind some long-standing do’s and dont’s when it comes to napkins.
1) Make sure the napkin is properly pressed. Period.
2) Please, whatever you do, DON’T put the napkin in the wine glass. T-A-C-K-Y. And not only that, but as Suzanne Von Drachenfels notes in The Art of the Table, “Because the fabric may leave lint in a wine glass, the stemware fold is not suggested for an elegant meal where a special wine is served.”
3) Consider a pocket fold if you are having a menu at each place setting. It helps make the menu look purposefully placed, like it has a “home.”
4) Traditionally, it was considered an ostentatious act if a hostess placed the napkin to the side of the plate, rather than on top of the plate as that was a sign she was showing off her china. For that reason, many still prefer to set the napkin on top of the plate (again, this works only if your first course is not already plated as guests sit down.)
5) Keep in mind the fabric. There is nothing worse than wiping your mouth against a scratchy napkin — or one that won’t absorb anything. For this reason I always encourage brides to feel the napkins and not just look at them as they select their linens.
6) Make sure extra napkins are on hand — you never know when you are going to need them. They fall to the ground, they are used to clean up a spill, they catch on fire (I wish I were joking)…
7) Don’t place a lot of stuff on top of the napkin as sometimes the items can fall out when guests pick up the napkin — this can be embarrassing and awkward for your guests.
These are just a few of the things to consider when choosing napkins and a napkin fold. Above all, keep your guests in mind and make sure that however the napkins are set that they complement the rest of your beautiful table!
